One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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