Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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