Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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