He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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