I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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