How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
