so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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