i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
