Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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