I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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