carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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