I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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