I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
