Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
