She's JV to your varsity
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
