Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
soo... how was my night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
