then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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