I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
