the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Randomize
