I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
