i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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