I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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