he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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