Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
