We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
