In the future we'll all be gay
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize