Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize