Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
