Someone shit on the floor
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize