i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
