I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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