I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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