I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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