I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
