I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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