if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
