I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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