Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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