i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
