Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
