what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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