I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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