omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
