i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
