the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
