I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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