So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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