I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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