just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
