Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
