The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
