i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
