I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
