you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
