maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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