Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
