No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
soo... how was my night?
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