he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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