Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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