Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
