Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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