We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
