smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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