member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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