The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
