actually, I'm a sock model
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
